Cool Heat
by Waddles52
Summary: After a romantic weekend Mulder pays the consequences with hilarious results.


Title: Cool Heat  
  
Author: Waddles52  
  
Summary: After a romantic weekend Mulder pays the   
  
consequences with hilarious results.  
  
Disclaimer: Property of CC, 1013 Productions, Fox   
  
Network, etc.  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Category: MT, humor  
  
Archves: Yes, but please ask first  
  
Feedback: Yes, I'd love to hear from you at  
  
waddles52@insightbb.com  
  
Mulder opened the door to the basement office bright   
  
and early Monday morning. He had really hated for   
  
the weekend to come to a close. Scully had kept him   
  
in bed almost the entire time from Friday evening   
  
until early that morning. He couldn't suppress the   
  
satisfied smile that spread across his face when he   
  
thought of the many different ways they had found to   
  
practice the age-old interaction between male and   
  
female.  
  
The Kama Sutra was old news by the time he left   
  
Scully with that same, satisfied smile. Perhaps they   
  
could write a whole new book on the subject. He   
  
rubbed his neck. It was a little sore after the   
  
weekend activities. Ah well, it would be a perfect   
  
excuse for a Scully massage.  
  
The tired agent sank slowly into his chair and rubbed   
  
his neck again. It seemed to be getting worse, but   
  
damn, it had been worth it! With a sigh he booted up   
  
his computer and checked his email. Crap! A memo   
  
from Skinner greeted him, requesting the presence of   
  
Scully and himself at 8:30 AM, sharp! Do not pass   
  
go. Do not collect $200.  
  
Mulder groaned and pushed away from his desk. Might   
  
as well start the coffee. It looked like it was   
  
going to be one of 'those' days. He unconsciously   
  
tried to rub away the pain in his neck as he searched   
  
for the coffee filters.  
  
Scully arrived at 7:45 looking happy and well rested.   
  
Mulder smiled. The woman must have amazing   
  
recuperative powers because he had given as good as   
  
he got. As she accepted the cup of coffee proffered   
  
by her partner, the petite agent couldn't help but   
  
notice the odd angle at which he was holding his   
  
head. She grinned after her first sip. "Was this   
  
weekend too much for your middle-aged body?"  
  
"I didn't hear any complaints from you at three this   
  
morning." He rubbed his neck again. Damn, this was   
  
getting to be a habit. "Just a little catch in my   
  
neck. We have a meeting with Skinner at 8:30 sharp   
  
and I'd like to be able to stare back at him without   
  
looking sideways. Do you think those talented   
  
fingers of yours could work some magic before we have   
  
to leave?"  
  
"As long as you're referring to your neck and not   
  
another region of your anatomy, I think that can be   
  
arranged." The lovely red head motioned him to take   
  
a seat in front of her. After guzzling most of her   
  
coffee, she began to knead her partner's sore neck.   
  
The groans of satisfaction coming from the male agent   
  
were reminiscent of some of the sounds she had been   
  
treated to over the weekend. Wow! She needed to set   
  
those memories aside or she might be the one looking   
  
sideways at their supervisor while she tried to keep   
  
her hormones under control. "Better?"  
  
"I'll give you five minutes to stop, Scully," he   
  
breathed, trying to keep his eyes from crossing due   
  
to the pure bliss he felt in his neck muscles and   
  
elsewhere.  
  
"I think I've done quite enough." She gave his neck   
  
another soft caress and then placed a light kiss   
  
where her fingers had been. "Did Skinner tell you   
  
why he wants to see us?"  
  
"No, he . . ." Mulder stopped abruptly when he tried   
  
to straighten his neck. The ensuing pain nearly   
  
knocked him to the floor. He grabbed the chair just   
  
in time to prevent further disaster.  
  
"Mulder, what is it?"  
  
"What did you do to my neck?" he gasped. "It's a   
  
hundred times worse."  
  
"I just tried to get the kinks out."  
  
"Didn't work. What time is it?"  
  
"8:10."  
  
"We don't have time for this. Do something," he   
  
wailed. "I can't walk into Skinner's office like   
  
this!" His panic face was beginning to appear. As   
  
usual, he hadn't been in Skinner's good graces and   
  
turning up in his office with his head lying on his   
  
shoulder wouldn't help matters.  
  
"Mulder, what else can I do? I think you probably   
  
need to go to the ER and get this checked out. You   
  
could have a ruptured disk or worse."  
  
"No ER!" A look of intense concentration mixed in   
  
with the pain and panic already evident on his   
  
handsome features. "I've got an idea. There's a   
  
tube of sports cream in my gym bag. It's not   
  
supposed to have an odor. Could you please get it   
  
for me and smear some on?"  
  
"Okay. What could it hurt?" She located the bag in   
  
its usual place and pulled out the cream. Squeezing   
  
a generous amount onto her fingers, she began to   
  
massage it in. "I thought you said it was odorless."  
  
Mulder took a good whiff. "Damn, I forgot that was   
  
in there. You got the wrong tube. That's Cool Heat,   
  
and it is definitely not odorless."  
  
"I'll say." She held her fingers as far away from   
  
her nose as possible and was still almost overcome by   
  
the strong wintergreen, menthol smell.  
  
"We've got to try and get some of this off. Skinner   
  
won't appreciate us stinking up his office."  
  
"I can't argue with that." Scully grabbed her purse   
  
after a quick peek at her watch. "Make it fast,   
  
Mulder. We only have a few minutes to spare."  
  
"I'll meet you there," Mulder promised as he made his   
  
way out of the office, his head still almost touching   
  
his left shoulder.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Scully sat in Skinner's outer office looking   
  
apologetic as Kimberly informed the AD that Mulder   
  
still hadn't arrived. Suddenly, the door burst open   
  
and the wayward agent entered, still smelling like   
  
the training room at a gym, his neck now a brilliant   
  
shade of red. He flopped down beside Scully and   
  
hissed as the movement brought searing pain to his   
  
neck.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I accidentally used hot water. My neck is on fire!"   
  
Before his partner could comment, Skinner appeared in   
  
the doorway and beckoned them into his office.   
  
There were several items on his list of complaints   
  
about their most recent case. He was in no humor to   
  
put up with any foolishness that morning. He had   
  
awakened with a Texas-sized headache and his sinuses   
  
were stuffed to the rafters. The AD couldn't help   
  
but notice the odd tilt to Mulder's head along with   
  
the considerable redness on his neck.  
  
Amazingly, Skinner's sinuses cleared as soon as   
  
Mulder passed by. With the new clarity came the   
  
awareness of the heavy, liniment-like smell. He   
  
wrinkled his nose and nodded for the agents to be   
  
seated as he took his usual position behind his desk.  
  
The assistant director noted that Mulder was more   
  
fidgety than usual. This should be a great meeting   
  
he thought sarcastically as Kimberly brought in a   
  
pitcher of ice water and sat it on his desk. He   
  
nodded his thanks and poured himself a large glass of   
  
the cold drink.  
  
Mulder eyed the pitcher longingly as the fire on his   
  
neck ratcheted up a notch. He ran his finger around   
  
his collar in an effort to lift it away from his   
  
burning skin.  
  
Skinner straightened the stack of papers on his desk   
  
and leveled a displeased look at his most troublesome   
  
agents. He wrinkled his nose again and was just   
  
about to ask about the odor when Mulder leapt from   
  
his chair.  
  
Scully and Skinner both stared in disbelief as the   
  
crazed F.B.I. agent grabbed the pitcher of water and   
  
splashed the entire contents on his neck, then   
  
staggered out of the office.  
  
"I think, um, I think I'll just go and check on him."   
  
Scully stammered and hurriedly followed her partner   
  
out of the office.  
  
Skinner could only stare after them, wondering what   
  
crazy explanation they would come up with to justify   
  
that floorshow.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Georgetown Memorial ER, several hours later-  
  
Mulder groaned softly as he emerged from his drug-   
  
induced slumber. "Please tell me that I just had the   
  
craziest dream ever."  
  
"I wish I could, Mulder." Scully rose from the chair   
  
beside the stretcher that held her partner. "How's   
  
the neck?"  
  
He gingerly moved it to see how the pain was. The   
  
muscle soreness had improved slightly, but the   
  
burning pain was still there, although considerably   
  
less than it had been in Skinner's office. He looked   
  
at Scully with questioning eyes.  
  
"Better?"  
  
He nodded yes very carefully.  
  
"You have a moderate muscle strain and some second   
  
degree burns from the liniment. The next time you   
  
need to wash something like that away, please double-  
  
check the water temperature before starting."  
  
"I definitely will. I assure you." Mulder grimaced   
  
from the pain and the memory of the fiasco in   
  
Skinner's office. "Do I still have a job, or did   
  
Skinner decide to can me and commit me?"  
  
"You got lucky. You were neither canned nor   
  
committed. In fact, AD Skinner asked me to thank you   
  
for the entertainment. He said it was the best   
  
Monday morning he'd ever had." Scully tried to keep   
  
a straight face but couldn't quite manage it.  
  
"Go ahead and laugh, Scully. I deserve every bit of   
  
it."  
  
"Well, it's either that or give you an award for the   
  
best comedy act in an Assistant Director's office."  
  
"Ha, ha. When can I get out of here?"  
  
"You got lucky again, Mulder. Get dressed and I'll   
  
find the nurse to come in and go over your discharge   
  
instructions. The doctor said to take it easy for a   
  
few days and prescribed some muscle relaxants and   
  
pain pills."  
  
"Wonderful. Did you ever find out why Skinner wanted   
  
to see us?" Mulder slowly sat up and Scully handed   
  
him the bag containing his clothes. The strong smell   
  
of Cool Heat assaulted his sinuses, almost making him   
  
gag.  
  
"No, he said it would keep and that we should re-  
  
schedule as soon as you return to work. "Is there a   
  
problem, Mulder?" Scully grinned at the look of   
  
distress on his face.  
  
"I can't wear these clothes. The smell is making me   
  
ill."  
  
"Well, I suppose you could go home in that lovely,   
  
stylish, threadbare hospital gown." A look of   
  
disbelief crossed his face. "Or, you could wear   
  
something from the travel bag in your car."  
  
Mulder heaved a huge sigh of relief when she knelt   
  
beside her chair to retrieve it.  
  
"Hurry and get dressed. The doctor suggested bed   
  
rest, and I know just the place to do that."  
  
Mulder's eyes lit up as he gingerly pulled a t-shirt   
  
over his head. "Yeah?"  
  
"Yep, your couch should do just fine."  
  
The light immediately left his eyes as he pulled on   
  
his jeans. "Great. Abandon me in my time of need."  
  
"Who said anything about abandonment? I'm with you   
  
every step of the way . . .at your place," she   
  
emphasized. "At least until you no longer reek of   
  
horse liniment."  
  
"You gonna throw in another massage?" Mulder looked   
  
at her hopefully.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Then, it was all worth it," he grinned as he began   
  
to think of ways to make the smell linger.  
  
End 


End file.
